Song On Repeat

And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I’ve already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes ‘round and everyone lift their heads
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who’s gonna watch you die? So whos gonna watch you die?

Cause Things Are Gonna Change So Fast


I keep hearing people complaining about their mothers. So upset about her nagging them to come spend some time with her. And I just keep thinking if you only knew. If you could only see that she won't be here forever. You won't always have her
to go to
to fight with
to cry to
to hug
to hate
to love
to have
She will be gone someday just like mine is. And you will look back on that day she didn't let you go to the party you wanted to, or didn't get you those shoes you wanted, you will look back on the day you said you hated her and stomped up the stairs, and you will regret it mostly because none of it matters. Not one little bit. All that matters is that she is still with you. You can still
talk to her
hug her
tell her that you love her
bake with her
play cards with her
cook with her
You can still take in the sweet calming scent of your mother.
You can go to her and tell her you are having a bad day and have her make it better just by her simply being your mom.
You still get to go to Sunday dinner and know you are going to love the food she makes because you always have.
You can still ask her how to make her pasta salad and have her show you. You still have time to figure out how she does all the things that you most love about being home. How does she get the laundry so clean and soft, how does she put up with your sister, how does she make those woopie pies from your youth that you love so much but you just can't get the filling right. You can ask her how she does it all. And she will give you some comforting answer like "I'll tell you someday" and you'll smile and say "I know you will" cause you still think you have all the time in the world to find out. And maybe you do.

But
I
don't

So stop Bitching about your mother and just enjoy her. Take her all in and ask her what you want to know now and make her tell you now. Go spend a day with her, do whatever. Go grocery shopping and make a shepard's pie. Tell her you love her and apologize for the horrible teenager that you were. Let her hug you for as long as she wants to and don't pull away. Take a deep breath and smell her familiar safe calming scent. And just think before you say one more negative thing about her. Because take it from me when she is gone and all you have left is memories you will not be thinking of all the times she said no, or the fights you may have had. All you will be able to think of is all the good things that you overlooked because she was just your mom.