Flash Forward

Emily stood in the garden. The morning mist slowly soaking her copper braid. Her hands were dirty, she never did wear gloves, she didn't like the separation they caused between her and the plants, the earth, the water. She pushed herself up off her knees and walked over the rocky ground, "It's amazing I ever got anything to grow here" she thought, looking down at a blooming star gazer lilly. She rinsed her hands with the yellow garden hose, fully knowing she'd never get them clean, and walked into the house. It was a small house. A modest house. Something her father could be proud of. She stopped in the mud room kicking off her red garden boots and shaking the loose soil from her jeans and worn long sleeved shirt. She walked down the narrow hall slowly, stopping to look at one of the many pictures. It was of her mother, long ago, when she was about fifteen, so young, so strong, she was so beautiful. The picture was simple, just a black and white snap shot of her young mother leaning her head against a brick wall. Her long straight hair flowing over one shoulder. If you looked closely you could see so much knowledge in her eyes. So much love in her smileless lips. If this picture had been in color it would reveal to the seeer that her mother's hair was the same color as her's. Her eyes would have the same grey sky tint. And the same freckles that danced over her nose and cheeks would speckle her mother's as well. Emily reached up and slightly touched the frame as if by touching it she could feel her mother again. It was silly, she knew, but she still did it every day on her way to the shower. When she got into the bathroom she looked at herself in the mirror. How long had it been since she had gotten a haircut, put on makeup? or tweezed her eyebrows? Such things just seemed silly to her now. When she was young she was always trying to fit in have the best clothes or wear the right hair style. As she grew older she grew out of that. Thank god. Looking in the mirror now at age 37 she thought she was the most beautiful she had ever been. her long straight hair, pulled back in a simple braid, had a few strands of grey but who didn't at her age? Her face was free from make up and all of her freckles were visable, as well as the fine lines around her eyes and mouth. She had waited her whole life to be this. Nonchalantly pretty. And she felt she finally was.


She turned away from the mirror and turned on the shower. She loved this shower. She had tiled it herself with cool blue tiles and bright white grout. She had always loved the rain and so she had gotten one of those shower heads that simulate it. She undressed and stood under the rain for quite some time. Just standing. Letting the water wash over her, clear her head. She washed and got out. Wrapping a huge towel around herself, and grabbing a comb. She walked down another hallway and into the bedroom. She sat at the edge of the bed slowly combing through her hair. The mist had given way to a slight drizzle that tapped at the window. It was going to be a beautiful day. She felt movement on the bed and turned in time to see Matt, her long time boyfriend and only love, peek one eye over the blanket. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" he asked his voice still overflowing with sleep. "No, you sleep, I'll be back shortly. I want to be alone with her for a little while." Matt sat up and gently rubbed her back and touched her wet hair. "Ok hun. If that's what you want to do then that's fine by me. I love you" " I love you too" Emily said as he lay back nestled inagain. She smiled as she toweled off and got dressed. Matt was her saving grace. Her life line. He was the only reason she didn't turn into a blubbering mess, all those years ago. Well she was a mess for a while and he let her be one for the right amount of time and then pulled her out of it. If it wern't for him she may still be in that very bed they shared, eyes swelled shut from tears and arms so sore from reaching out to someone who was no longer there that she couldn't lift them to save her life. But he did that for her. He had saved her life.


Emily got into her car and started down the long drive. she watched as their little house with the man she loved so much inside grew smaller in her rear view. Yellow with white trim and a mustard colored door. They had spent months deciding on a color, and it still seemed not quite what right. She thought about other color combinations as she drove the short distance. When she pulled through the black iron gates she was no closer to a new house color but it had taken up the time of the drive. She parked and got something out of the backseat. She could have made this walk with her eyes closed she had been here that many times. Fifth row back and fourth from the left. She sat down, placing the three star gazer lillies she had brought at her side. "Hi mom." she said, tears immediatly springing to her eyes. "I know it's been a while now, since the last time I came but it got so hard. I miss you so much." She choked back a sob and just sat there for a minute composing herself. "Matt wanted to come but I told him to stay home today. It's your birthday and I wanted us to have a little girl time. He says hello though. He is doing well, he is such a good man, but you always knew that didn't you?" Her mother had told her after knowing Matt only a short time "You marry that man Emily Rose. He is good, he will always treat you right." Thinking about that conversation between her and her mother Emily thought of the fisrt night she intoduced Matt to her parents. It was Christmas Eve, they hadn't been dating all that long but they both knew it was serious. She had invited him over for dinner. It had gone wonderfully. Emily's dad, not always the easiest guy to get along with, had loved him shook his had and gave her that look, that 'this guy is a keeper' look. At the time she had just smiled and chalked it up to her dad having another guy around. Paul, having married into a family full of women could sometimes get itchy for the company of men. But now, knowing what she knew, she really felt that look. She really valued her dad's oppinion and she loved that he loved Matt. Later that night after Matt had left, her and her mother were sitting drinking tea, her mother looked over at her and said "You like this guy. I can see it in your eyes, and he likes you too. How serious is this kidamaroo?" Emily smiled at the old nickname and said "I think he's it mom. I can't see myself without him. I know it's new, but I can't help thinking this is it." Her mother thought about this for a while and said "Well, I guess you know what you have to do then." She gave Emily's hand a squeeze and then took herself off to bed.


"Hey kid!" Emily heard it but it seemed so far off having just been so involved in her memory she had to take a second to realize that the man was calling to her and that it was her father. "Hi Paul." She said and then to her mother "So much for girls time." She stood to hug him. They embraced for a long time and then her father held her back at arms length and said "You look good." Emily smiled at her father's compliment. She had on an old pair of jeans, a white tank, with one of Matt's old button downs hanging loosely around her shoulders. "Thank you. You know mom's rule." "No black!" they both said together and then they smiled. After a moment Paul asked "Where's Matt?" Paul had really found a rock in Matt, as did Emily, he helped them both som much over the past years to deal with what they no longer had. Emily smiled to herself glad that the men she loved so much got along. "I told him to stay home this morning. I needed to see her by myself for a little while." Paul smile sheepishly and said "Sorry for barging in." Emily just gave him a playful swat and smiled. They stood there for quite some time, talking some of it, just standing and looking off to the tree line the rest. after a long silent spell She looked over and saw tears in her father's eyes. She hugged him from the side with one arm and just said "I know." Paul nodded his head and said quietly " I just miss her so much." "We all do." Emily said. She hugged her father once more and left him for some alone time with the woman that they both loved and missed so much.


When She got home there was a note on the front door that just said "Follow the stars." Emily looked around for a second wondering what that meant, then she noticed a small wooden star on the ground next to the front steps. She picked it up and looked around only to see another on the ground a few feet away. She walked over and picked that one up too, and saw another a few feet down on the garden path that led into the woods. She walked on seeing stars every couple of steps. There were wooden ones like the first one she saw and there were tin stars and stone stars and the very last star was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. As she walked into the clearing in their back woods it was all she could see. It was sitting on the picnic table that Matt had built a few years back, proped up against a basket that was filled with pastry and fruit, the star shone like a beacon. It was light blue glass with lead edging and in the very center were the intials M&E. Emily looked around, still holding the first few stars, and then she saw Matt, he was sitting in the hammock off to the side of the clearing. He still made her stomach flip. He stood and walked over to her. "What is all this?" she asked smiling wide. "I thought you could use a little pick me up." Matt said with his half smile that she had always loved so much. And then he held her. And in that embrace was everything in the world that mattered to Emily. Love, understanding, trust, stability, and most importantly Matt. She pulled back and looked deeply into Matt's eyes, his beautiful amber eyes. He was as handsome as ever. Emily leaned her head on his shoulder, her arms around his waist. Matt reached up to touch her hair and said "I love you too."