It's Just That People Are So Fickle, They Fall In Love At Different Angles.

I was the first girl you ever loved. I guess I always knew that, I mean we said it way back then. When we were just high schoolers. But I kinda took it as just something you say. Don't get me wrong I said it too and I meant it too, I just was never quite sure if you meant it as much as I did. You were home for the weekend and it was kind of just a given that we would see each other, we never can break away for too long. I picked you up and we drove to a familiar place. Where you could drink cup after cup of sugar laden coffee, and we could sit for hours on end with no one really bothering us. We covered all the normal subjects, your new relationship, my lack of one... Why it always comes back to me and you I'll never know. But it always does.

We drove out to the school sitting in my car with nothing to see by but the orange street light behind us. We must have sat there for a good ten minutes just laughing at ourselves for being so stupid. We both knew what we wanted to be doing and it wasn't sitting in the car. So we got out. Hugged in the cold. My knees and hands shaking, and not just from the night air. I don't know what it is about you, but you can always make me feel that way. Like I'm about to have my very first kiss all over again. We walked down to the swing set, and in a way that felt very much like foreplay, I swung and you stood there watching. We talked. We touched. We laughed. We hugged. And I shook. I waited for the kiss, the one that always comes when we are around each other, but it never came. I felt it. Right there. Moments from happening. While we stood there, foreheads pressed together, your arms lingering around my waist. I was surprised and I little disappointed when you said we should get going. But I knew it was probably for the best. If we had started kissing I don't think I could have stopped.

When I dropped you off we sat in the car for a few minutes again. The front seat full of that energy that only happens with you. We hugged, then I leaned in and kissed you. 'Just one' I said as if that would ever be true. You ducked you head in a your lips met mine again and stayed longer this time. And it was amazing. That kiss only belongs to you. I've kissed a lot of people but that one only happens with your lips. You finally left the safety of the car, back into the real world. Where you have a girlfriend. And she isn't me. Back to 2004, where we are not high schoolers and our kisses hold no magic. Back to where I am lonely, and unloved.

That night I drove home with a smile, and it wasn't only the kisses that left it on my lips. Seeing you, talking to you that night, it gave me hope. You loved me once. Maybe that means I'm not that damaged. I'm not as bad off as I seem to be. Maybe someday someone can love me again.

I needed that hope.
More than you can ever know.