Haven't You Wondered Why I'm Always Alone When You're In My Dreams

I slept fitfully last night. I Woke up about three times an hour. You were laying right next to me but in my dreams you were walking away. You were sick of my Jealousy. Sick of me bringing it up. When I told you how I felt about it, that I understand you two are remaining friends but I just because I understand doesn't mean I have to like it, or even be ok with it. You shook your head and you laughed with you face pointed toward the ground. It was a hurtful little laugh. One that I heard when I woke up, and at times throughout the day. Every time I thought about those dreams. I'd hear that laugh and I'd know it's only a matter of time before I really hear it. Not just in my head but coming from your mouth.

I try hard to keep my stupid girl shit to myself. I really do. But we've been honest so I thought I would tell you. I don't like being with you two it makes me feel like the new kid. You guys know everything about each other and I'm still learning. I hate when she tells me what you like or what you don't. She gives me these little bits of information about things I want to learn on my own. I want to get to know you through you not through some step by step manual written by an ex girlfriend. I really do like her, on her own. We get along we're friends, and maybe that just makes it that much harder.

It's not even her that I get mad about, yeah I feel third wheel-ish around you two but it really isn't that bad. I can see that you two still love each other but as friends. I know you decided to stay friends because you both mean a lot to each other, I get a bit dramatic about it all and I apologize for that. But it's the other women. The hairdresser. The other one you were/are still seeing. I love that we are honest with each other but I don't need to know every single girl you kiss or who gives you her number. Once you sleep with her feel free to let me know but if it's just harmless flirting feel free to keep it to yourself. Over the past couple of days I've been thinking more and more about our 'relationship' and the more I think about it the more I really do like it. It's pretty much the perfect thing for the both of us right now, I think anyway. I've never been good at being a great girlfriend. But then the just sex thing didn't work either. So this is a good mix of the two, I basically get to have the loving stuff, the little kisses, holding hands. Just sleeping next to you is great, but then there are no strings no one is going to get pissed when either one of us sees someone else, because that's what we have discussed. Well I know I get jealous. And I can't promise that I won't ever get that way again. But I can promise no more anger, as long as I know what is going on and where we both stand I think I can deal with what we've got here.

*please note the 'I think' in that sentence.