My Mama Told Me There'd Be Days Like This
And Man She Wasn't Foolin'
'Cause I Just Can't Believe The Way You Kiss

Bits and pieces of the past few days keep popping into my head. A piece of a sentence, a certain look that you gave me, your smile, the smell of your pillow, the smile that overtook my face when you offered me an old tee shirt and a side of your bed, the sound of my laugh echoed by yours. I was so unsure about what was going to happen. I had how the night was going to go all planed out in my head. We would go to a movie, we would hang out, talk, maybe kiss a little. But my mind went blank when you put your hand on my knee, well not blank, but I forgot all the reasons why you aren't supposed to stay the night on a first date. All those stupid little things your grandmother told you when you were young, her vague way of warning you that not all men are nice. Things like 'no one's gonna buy the cow when the milk is for free' things I never listened to and probably never will. But I was thinking them anyway.

A few days later now and you've got one foot in the door, I'm scared to death about that. It's so easy to talk to you that I forget all the barriers that I put up every time someone starts to get me. You make me happy, and that freaks me out. Now I'm thinking strategically, Which walls do I let you over... What fences do I stand by and watch you climb.... How far do I let you in before I retreat back to a safe place.... A place where the walls are so thick even I can't tell everything that lies behind them. Is it safe to even be thinking this way. We aren't defined, we aren't exclusive, so is it an ok thing for me to let that feeling creep past security.

After so long being not just alone but lonely, it's nice to have someone there with me, to have someone touch me. Someone who takes me out in public, someone I can talk to. Someone who, although he may not be mine alone, pays me the attention I've craved. Someone who listens, and reacts, and holds me, rather than looking at the clock and kicking me out.

Even if it isn't anything solid This is a good thing for me. If it lasts a few days, A week, or maybe even longer...It's a good feeling to have someone say to you "It's ok to be happy. I'm not going to hurt you" I'm still skeptical but for now I'm gonna see where this so-called happiness is headed and just try and enjoy the ride.