Girls You've Got To Know When It's Time To Turn The Page, And When You're Only Wet Because Of The Rain

I woke up this morning at 3:47. A strange dream in which you were the reluctant star. We were standing in your driveway, it was raining. You looked at me with such cruelty. You told me to let go. That I fucked up. That I wasn't going to get you back. All the 'friendly' emails in the world wouldn't let you forget what I did, and that I shouldn't either. Who knows if that is how you are really feeling. We don't talk anymore, not that we ever really did. But I'd like us to. I just don't know how to sit back and wait for that to happen. Or even worse, make myself realize that it may not.

I know it was probably a long time coming, that I shouldn't have gotten attached in the first place. But I threw all my rules out the window, that first late night drive out to you. You have to understand that. For so long I had been bricked up. All my emotions locked away. I was more myself with you than I had ever been. I don't know why but you let me be that. I was free to be open and honest. Tell you things no one else knew. And in many ways I did that. Except for the most important truth. And maybe you're right, maybe some part of me knew that it would stop at kissing if I had been truthful. But somehow a bigger part of me doesn't believe that.

So now I'm left wondering. What if I had told you the truth that night. Would I be any better off? Would we still have our late night meetings? Would we ever had had one? I'm not sure I can answer those questions. I'm not sure of anything, except that I miss it.
I miss the moon in my rear view as I pull out onto 47. I miss the deep sleep I was assured to get once I climbed into my own bed. I miss the sweet soreness of the day after.

And I miss you.