I've Got A Hunger Twisting My Stomach Into Knots

There's something about a Saturday night spent alone watching reruns of 'Sex And The City' that makes a girl really depressed. When you start thinking about all the people who are out on dates, as you sit home eating m&ms in front of the TV, and you realize you need a life.

I've know this for quite some time, but I just haven't gotten around to getting one yet. I have friends and I have family but I don't have what I want. Someone to spend Saturday nights, and maybe a few Sunday mornings, with. I've never wanted to be with just one person. Ever. I know I have a wall up and people can sense that. And maybe that is why I've been alone for so long, or maybe that's why I had my thing with Mr. Friendly's. I think I could do it now. With the right person. If he/she found me and was up to the task.

This whole thing with 'the boy' is really confusing to me. I've never met a guy who didn't want to have sex. Or at least make out a little. And I don't know if I hate him for that or really really like him. A big part of me really wants to be with someone and then another huge part of me is unsure. I see my friends that are in relationships right now. Some are ending. Some just starting. Some are at that really awkward phase of dragging on, neither one knowing where it's going, if or how to end it. I see that I and I don't want to even bother starting one. But then I see the little kisses and the hand holding and I want it so bad it hurts.